Tag Archives: lobster

Maui, Hawaii Part 2

15 Mar

During the difficult times at work, I like to fondly think of my time in Maui. At one point during our trip, Bubby and I had a serious conversation about moving to Hawaii and opening a shrimp truck called Miso’s.  But of course Bubby the buzz kill killed my shrimp truck dreams. At least we should try to visit every year. And every year I’m going to eat this French toast at Kihei Caffe (yes, two “f”s).

Banana macadamia nut French toast

This is the best French toast I have ever had.  Thick slices of crispy sweet bread, thick banana slices, crunchy macadamia nuts, drizzled with maple syrup and the house coconut syrup.

All of the components in one bite made me preach.  “I feel good! I feel good, because I know there’s a God somewhere! There’s a God somewhere! You know there’s a God who sits on high and looks down low! Man cannot make it like this!” Name that movie.

Bubby ordered the pork fried rice loco moco.

The pork fried rice inspired me to make a kimchi pork fried rice loco moco, and everything is better with kimchi. But even without the kimchi, this dish was savory and the perfect salty pairing to my French toast.  Kihei Caffe is a caloric dream come true.  While reveling in our food fantasy, we were suddenly disturbed by a gang of birds.

And the king of the bird gang, Rufio! Ruf-i-oooooooooooooo!

We got the hell out of the crossfire of Rufio’s gang, and went to Charley Young Beach so I could rub my belly in peace.

And at this beach, Poseidon summoned me once again. And in true Hawaiian tradition, I donated my favorite Rayban sunglasses to Poseidon.  Every time I go to Hawaii, Poseidon takes what it wants.  Seven years ago, it was my Juicy Couture red jumper and Ipod.  What was my jumper and Ipod doing in the ocean? Or better yet, why the hell was I wearing Juicy Couture?!  It was seven years ago, and it was a cute ass beach jumper.  Seven years ago, Bubby and I placed our belongings in a locker.  Bubby pinned the locker key to his board shorts while we took surfing lessons.  While Poseidon tossed us around wildly, the locker key unfastened from Bubby’s shorts.  Assuming we lost the key and needed the office to open our locker, we noticed our locker was wide open and empty.  Someone had found our key and stole our possessions, including Bubby’s wallet, our towels, and book.  We walked back to our hotel soaking wet with shame, almost nude, pissed as fuck at Poseidon.  Damn you, Poseidon.  I hope you are rocking the shit outta my shades.

Because there was so much to eat and so little time, we went to Foodland –the best grocery store in the land.  While Kroger (I call every grocery store Kroger) sells rotisserie chickens, Foodland sells spam musubi, ahi poke, and my favorite, spicy raw crab!.

Look at this big ass avocado!

You can also see how the humidity in Hawaii is helping my winter’s eczema, too.

For dinner, Bubby and I went to Mama’s Fish House, a very popular restaurant in Maui.  The restaurant faces the beautiful ocean view and provided a very romantic atmosphere.

Macadamia nut crab cakes

I love crab cakes and cannot wait to go to Baltimore to eat some authentic cakes and to take The Wire tour.  These crab cakes definitely had nice chunks of crab, more crab than breading which is essential for a good CRAB cake.  The tomato relish provided a nice spicy and cool hint of flavor to the meaty cakes.

Opakapaka in lime and coconut milk served in a fresh coconut (Tahitian ceviche)

I asked for extra limes and drowned the shit out of the Hawaiian pink snapper.  I scraped the coconut flesh off the shell and mixed the gelatinous shavings with the ceviche.  This ceviche is making my mouth water as I type these damn words.

Bouillabaisse Mahimahi, lobster, shrimp, scallop and shellfish simmered in a saffron broth, with garlic rouille

Isn’t this picture the most beautiful bowl of underwater treasures?  As you can imagine, the seafood in Hawaii is fresh fo’ sho’.  The scallops were the size of silver dollars and as thick as marshmallows.  There was so much seafood in this dish that every spoonful contained several different types of seafood. My only issue with this dish was that I don’t think the pasta is made from scratch.  If Mama made fresh pasta, this dish would be the best dish of the trip especially since I rationed the garlic bread to last throughout the entire meal.

And to remind myself that I’m on vacation, I make sure the following happen.  I don’t wear makeup.  I must consume a fruity beverage with an umbrella  in it.  And I eat dessert after every meal.  Yes, every meal.  Ergo, ladies and gentlemen I introduce you to Ono Gelato.  The best fuckin’ gelato I have ever had.  Yes, I’ve never had gelato from Italy, but I don’t think I’ll have to.

Coconut is the shit.  But add some strawberry into the swirl, and I was immediately doing my happy dance while wiggling my toes.  Bubby even asked, “Are your toes dancing for gelato?”  Yes, Goddamit. Don’t judge me.  Best. gelato. ever.

Okay, I just gained five pounds writing this shit.

Kihei Caffe
1945 South Kihei Road
Kihei, HI

Mama’s Fish House
799 Poho Place
Paia, HI

Ono Gelato
1280 South Kihei Road
Kihei, HI

Ono Gelato
115 Hana Hwy # D
Paia, HI

Ono Gelato
815 Front Street
Lahaina, HI

We went to two out of the three Ono Gelato locations, and I give 5 slow mothafuckin claps.
 

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Providence

11 Mar

Last year for annual mistress day, Bubby took me to Melisse. And if you remember, Melisse did not deliver the 2 Michelin stars as advertised. This year, Bubby took me to Providence– the other LA restaurant with 2 Michelin stars. I’ve heard wonderful things about Providence, except that contrary cunt Nibs was the only person who didn’t rave about the food.

SPOTTED: Rich, older lonely boys and the young gold diggers who love them. (Can you tell I just watched a marathon of Gossip Girl recently?) I tried to look for wedding rings on the fingers of both parties and spotted none. Bubby and I tried to discretely turn our backs 180 degrees just to find our favorite couples. Note to self, twisting at that exaggerated angle is never discreet.

Bubby enjoyed a beer while I enjoyed a glass of a delicious medley of juices including lychee, guava, passion fruit, and other exotic treasures that the bartender could muster. It was as delicious as the welcome juice given to the guests at Phuket’s Dusit Laguna Hotel — the most delicious standard for all juices.

This juice was so refreshing but cost more than Bubby’s beer.  Seven dollars of juice.

The amuse bouche

The spoon on the left was a yellow egg-yolk-like version of a screwdriver.  Refreshing and a nice burst of cold alcohol in your mouth.  The square jello on the right was a mojito.  The screwdriver was definitely better than the mojito.

The second amuse bouche

This trio was not as good as the first amuse bouche.  Sipping a luke warm soup from a straw is not a great way of starting a marathon of courses.  I hoped this was not an accurate representation of what was to come.

The bacon brioche

Bubby ate like 8 of these. He described them as bite size wonders that tasted like Jack in the Box’s sourdough jack burgers. He doesn’t even love bacon as much as I do, and he couldn’t get enough of these. I even caught him checking out the size of my purse to see how many miniature wonders I could confiscate safely from the premises. Unfortunately, I carried my small clutch.

Tai snapper sashimi, sake, caviar, salted cherry blossom

The sashimi was fresh and tasted more like yellowtail than snapper. It lacked that chewy consistency that sometimes accompanies snapper sashimi. The snapper’s texture was soft and the caviar, salty. There was a gelatinous layer that I didn’t even mind. In fact, I liked it. But I really loved the yellow rice cracker balls that added the perfect crunch.

Santa Barbara spot prawns, nori bread crumbs, spring herbs

That prawn looks like it’s on roids. It was perfectly cooked and succulent. I did not care for the random herbs, the bread crumbs, or the cat spit foam. In fact, I hate cat spit.  Why do these upscale restaurants find the need to add cat spit? Stop with the cat spit!  It’s not creative, and it’s no longer cool. But most importantly, it looks like the bile that Miso vomits.

Main lobster, charcoal grilled, smoked black truffle butter

This dish looks like Valentine’s Day. The arrangement of the lobster, the colors of my wedding, is perfection. And it tasted the way it looked. Thick pieces of fresh lobster made me want to cry like Homer did when he ate Pinchy.

I, too, felt that I loved Pinchy the most and should respect him by eating him all by myself. Piiiiiiiinchy!!!!!!!

Foie gras ravioli – a la carte

We ordered this dish separately because of the amazing reviews. Also, I’m trying to eat as much foie gras possible before they ban it in California in July. The waiter even recommended making reservations for a foie gras exclusive menu. I’m seriously considering arranging a small dinner party called a Farewell to Foie Gras. These raviolis made me want to cry.  It was like looking at a boyfriend knowing that it won’t last.  It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday…. Boyz II Men.

The pasta was perfectly thin, the foie gras rich and decadent.  I will have to cross some state lines to get my foie gras kick.  Trust.

Wild New Zealand john dory, foie gras, white port, spring vegetables

By the time we reached this course, I was busting out of my skirt.  The courses were separated by 15 minutes, and it only takes 7 minutes for my stomach to tell my brain, “Bitch, you full.”  I was fighting the good fight, and I had to have a bite of each dish.  The john dory was tender and flavorful, and I really enjoyed the crispy and crunchy skin.  I really regretted wasting stomach space on the amuse bouche trio.  Rookie mistake.

Duck breast, petit pois, pea greens

I love duck.  One of the perks of marrying a Chinese man is having Peking duck on the regular.  I literally sing my song of joy when the Chinese waiter brings that huge plate of crispy duck and its soft pillow friends.  It is on point just like the duck at Providence.  The duck at Providence melts in your mouth.  It felt like buttered bread that melts on your tongue.  I had to chew like three times before it was ready to be swallowed.  And to seal the deal, the fried ball of foie gras.

I love fried balls of anything, but fried balls of foie gras takes the cake.

Fennel, yellow chartreuse, Angelica root, yogurt

The yogurt was enjoyable and provided a great palate cleanser.  The plate in its entirety was just okay.

Chocolate surprise

The Valentine’s day menu included a dessert that was basically chocolate served with chocolate.  Earlier in the meal, I told our waiter that I wasn’t a fan of chocolate, so he brought me a special dessert that was completely chocolate free.

My surprise dessert

This plate of heaven was more than I could ask for with ice cream, meringue, and hints of lemon.  The fact that they substituted the chocolate madness with the perfect treat for me, I couldn’t be happier.  Well played, Providence.  Well played.

Our farewell treat

I left this box as is.  I could not eat another bite.  Bubby had to roll my fat ass out of that restaurant at 11:30 p.m.  Yes, the entire dinner took longer than 3 hours.  I was feeling a mix of emotions … full, sleepy, tired, happy, drunk with food.

Providence is exponentially better than Melisse.  I could also tell the difference of an All Star Chef and Top Chef based on my experience at Ink recently (review soon to come). If it wasn’t for the liberal use of cat spit, I would have given Providence a perfect rating.

Providence
5955 Melrose Avenue
Los Angeles, CA

Christmas 2011

3 Jan

I love Christmas!  The wrapping paper, the red Starbucks cups, the candy canes, lights, baked goods galore, and dressing Miso up for our annual holiday card.  This year he was a reindeer, but next year’s card will have him as the reindeer, Santa, and elf (past Christmas card costumes).  The pain and suffering in his eyes when dressed in these ridiculous outfits is definitely the true meaning of Christmas.  Here he is in his onesie photobombing my picture of all of the Christmas presents I purchased for others this year.

He always looks like a baby when dressed in his onesie, but he gets so damn lazy.  Look at this lazy bitch.

He would not move off these pillows all day.

I also obviously love Christmas for the food.  All the red and green colored foods that make it feel like you’re literally eating Christmas.

Strawberry Waffles

Bubby made these delicious waffles for me when I was craving breakfast food for dinner.

Chicken and Cheese Enchiladas

I used manchego cheese which is essential for any good enchilada or quesadilla.  I took the leftover rotisserie chicken, shredded the meat, and stuffed it into these bad boys.  The top picture is for Bubby who doesn’t like cheese as much as I do but later regretted not having a thick layer of manchego cheese on top of his enchiladas.

Turkey Meatballs

turkey meatballs

I used Giada’s recipe as a guideline to make these turkey meatballs even though she’s the most annoying person on television.  Really, does she have to over- enunciate every Italian word?!  I poured a liberal amount of vodka and made a creamy vodka sauce.

For Christmas lunch, I prepared Roast Prime Rib and Chicken & Lobster Pot Pie

The roast rib came out to a perfect medium rare pink.  It was as good as Lawry’s for a fraction of the price.  For 10 lbs of roast rib from Whole Foods, it cost around $112.  That’s basically two orders of prime rib, but my roast fed 8 people with a lot left over.  I made the pot pie because it’s my father-in-law’s favorite.  Apparently, he was muttering, “ho sic” which means good in Cantonese.   “Ho sic,” “oh, shit” is right.  This pot pie was good.   I used already-made pie crust because I wasn’t trying to reinvent the wheel.  Pie crust is so hard to make, trust me … it sucks.  But what doesn’t suck, is this rich and creamy pot pie.  Next year, I won’t sprinkle the already made pie crust with sea salt because the pie crust was already salted.  Good tip.

Au jus

Blister almost shit her pants when she saw the fat drippings I used to make this au jus.  Do not use as much red wine as suggested, it gives the au jus a tangy aftertaste. I also made some sour cream horseradish sauce for the prime rib but forgot to take a picture.

Blister made the creamed corn and was, again, shocked by the bacon grease required to give this corn a smokey flavor.

BBQ Baked Beans

I made these baked beans for my dad thinking it was his favorite, but he barely touched them.  No more Christmas baked beans.

Gingered Carrots

I left these carrots in the oven 15 minutes too long.  The ends got slightly burned.  I cut the tips off and ate the rest.  (That’s what she said.)

After stuffing our faces with nearly 3,000 calories, we opened our gifts.  Look at what Santa brought me.

I was very good this year.
The lazy bitch eventually jumped off the pillows, but look at how the lazy bitch wrapped himself up in cashmere.

I love Christmas!

Newport Tan Cang Seafood

16 Nov

The holiday season is near.  I love this time of year.  Thanksgiving (the holiday that started this blog), Christmas, New Years, Bubby’s birthday, El Ninja’s birthday, and my mom’s birthday.  Unfortunately, I won’t be able to attend my firm holiday party this year because it’s Bubby’s birthday.  I guess it’s not a bad thing especially since last year’s holiday party was a disaster.  Here was the conversation:

Me: Hey!
Sweetest Assistant Ever: Hi!
Me: Is that your husband?
SAE: Noooo……….she’s my cousin.
Me: …


Me: I’m so sorry, I’m really drunk.

I really wasn’t drunk, but I felt awful.  The entire night her manly cousin shot imaginary darts at me with her eyes.  It was the worst ever.  At least I won’t have to run into her cousin this year.  My big mouth.  It’s evil yet so good when it comes to eating.

This year for El Ninja’s birthday, he wanted to go to Newport Seafood.  We usually go to Newport for my dad’s birthday, he loves the lobster.  El Ninja enjoyed the whole fried fish, and now that he’s a pescatarian, it was an obvious choice.  What wasn’t so obvious was my parents birthday invitation to a complete stranger.  She’s not a complete stranger since she’s in the same English class as my dad, but she’s a complete stranger to our family.  My parents thought it would be completely normal and sane to bring my brother a blind date to HIS birthday dinner! What the what?!  Yes, my Korean parents brought this poor little girl who barely speaks English to meet my brother on his birthday and to have the entire family present for their first blind date.  Blister and I couldn’t help but wonder how trusting this girl is to accompany random people in a strange country to a restaurant.  What if we decided to kill her as a family sacrifice? [LADIES: When traveling, please do not get into strangers’ cars and have dinners with their crazy families even if the meal is free.]   To make matters worse, the poor girl sat in between my parents volleying each parent’s conversation as her head went right to left in a Linda Blair-like fashion.  Even if my brother expressed any type of interest, he wouldn’t have been able to get a word in edgewise.  Bubby whispered, “Your father is a horrible wingman.”

Besides the awkward moments provided by my loving parents, the food was good as always.

Lobster

What makes this lobster dish so special is the roe.

It’s chewy and soft and scrumptious.  The lobster is tossed with perfect amounts of spice, garlic, scallions.  Perfection.

Fish

The house fish in garlic chili sauce is a new family staple.   You can definitely taste the Vietnamese fish sauce, ginger, hot pepper, fried basil, and garlic in the sauce.  The fish is deep fried, so everything is edible.  I particularly enjoy the fried fish cheeks.  I definitely want to recreate this sauce at home and pour it on everything.

Pea sprouts

Another staple.  I love these tasty sprouts. They aren’t overly sauteed where the greens lose their crunch.  It’s such a delicious vegetable and severely underrated.

Beef Cubes

I don’t know why we continue to order this dish, but the salt and lime dipping sauce is my favorite.  This is a typical dish you can find at any Chinese or Vietnamese restaurant.

The new additions: Fried tofu, calamari, and pan fried noodles

This is one of my favorite dishes.  The fried tofu is fresh out of the fryer and super hot that it burned the roof of my mouth.  But it’s worth the third degree burn.  The tofu is soft and fleshy on the inside and the crispy coating is perfect, not too thick.  Bubby and I had a ten minute conversation on whether we thought the tofu was fried or breaded then fried.  The discussion remains open.  Regardless, I love this dish and the perfect soy dipping sauce.

The calamari had the same salt/lime dipping sauce I enjoy with my beef cubes.  Blister advised that I not order this dish, but I did anyway.  She was right, it was uneventful.

I took one bite of this dish and said, “Niet!”  I think Bubby enjoyed this dish, he loves him some noodies.

For the lobster, the fish, the pea sprouts, and tofu, I give Newport Seafood a perfect score.  It is a family tradition and will always be the best renovated Marie Callender ever.

Newport Tan Cang Seafood
518 W Las Tunas Dr
San Gabriel, CA

Lobsta Truck

28 Mar

I haven’t had a good lobster roll since college.  The best lobster rolls I ever had were in Martha’s Vineyard.  Martha’s Vineyard sounds so WASPy because it is.  I used to babysit these two kids during my four years in college and the family would take me to help watch the children.  It was a paid vacation.  I would watch the children during the day and some nights while the parents hung out with their friends and had date nights.  We’d spend our days eating lobster rolls and vanilla ice cream cones.  During our day excursions, it was easy to identify the “hired help” because of our non-WASPy skin tones and we’d give each other a look and head nod kind of like a secret-society hand shake.  I miss those days.  The lobster chunks were huge and the fresh clams were dug out from the earth with my toes.  Clam digging is awesome.

Cellmate told me that the Lobsta Truck was coming, and I immediately had flashbacks of my summer days in college.  While other women fondly reminisce of old boyfriends and summer flings during college, I fondly think of food, my first love.  I wasn’t going to miss this.

The truck itself totally has that Red Sox feel to it.

The lobsta:

The lobsta in the roll was a little dry.  I ordered the roll with mayo, as opposed to butter, and it was in need of more mayo.  The lobsta chunks were plenty but it needed a kick, maybe a mayo relish?  I also asked for Tabasco sauce and they had none.  Tabasco should always be readily available where lobsta and chowda are served.  Rookies.  Also, this roll cost $12 which seems expensive for a roll that was so small.  Yeah, it’s lobsta but it should be bigger.  For a few bucks more, you can pay the entrance fee/lobsta fee for the Long Beach Lobster Fest that Bubby and I attend annually.

The chowda:

The clam chowda was amazing.  The chowda was thick, the clams were huge, and the clams to potatoes ratio was perfect.  I hate it when clam chowda is really potato chowda.  You can tell it was made with whole fatty thick cream.  I didn’t care if I am lactose intolerant and allergic to clams, this chowda is worth the bubble guts and hives.  Worth it, dammit.

My invention:

Because the lobsta roll was dry, I poured clam chowda over my roll.  This made me do the Balki Bartakamous Dance of Joy. 

I’m pretty certain Larry and Balki were gay lovers, and Mary Anne and Jennifer were their beards.  Pretty certain.

The chowda gets 4 claps and the roll gets 3, which averages to 3.5 slow claps.  I never give half claps, so I’ll give 3 slow claps and one Pauly D fist pump.

Lobsta Truck
http://www.lobstatruck.com/

Mélisse

15 Feb

I hate Valentine’s day.  I love the day, but I hate dining out on the day.  Several years ago on a Valentine’s day, Bubby took me to Michael Mina in San Francisco.  I love Michael Mina.  The food was incredible at the Michael Mina in Las Vegas, so I was extremely excited to try the Michael Mina in San Francisco for Valentine’s day.  When we got to the restaurant, the tables were so closely placed, that the couple next to us was basically sitting on our laps.  I understand restaurants are trying to seat as many tables for their overly priced prix fixe menu but this was absurd.  But for some delicious food, I don’t even mind having another couple sit on our laps.  The main reason I hate dining out on Valentine’s day is because I cannot stand the lovey dovey couples making out at dinner.  It’s inappropriate and makes me lose my appetite.  I understand it’s the day of love and a little bit of hand holding and public displays of affection are the norm.  But if you are sitting side by side with your legs weaved together and making out, I hate you.  (Side Note: I love asking couples how they sit at a table in a restaurant.  If couples sit side by side, the man is into the woman’s body.  If couples sit across from each other, he’s into her mind.  If she sits on his lap, they’re just horny.)

So for Valentine’s day, I love going out on February 13, National Mistress Day.  February 13 is National Mistress Day because everyone has to celebrate Valentine’s day with their husbands and wives.  Since the actual day is reserved for legitimate partners, February 13 is the next best thing for adulterers.  I love going out on this day because I love to judge all the adulterers.  It’s like being in a live version of a telenovela.  I’m also praying that one day, an angry wife will storm into the restaurant and catch her adulterous husband feeding black truffles and caviar to his mistress.  Hasn’t happened yet, but it will.

For our mistress meal, Bubby took me to Mélisse –one of the two restaurants in LA with 2 Michelin stars.  The other being Providence.  The Michelin ranking system is that one star indicates a “very good cuisine in its category”, a two-star ranking represents “excellent cuisine, worth a detour,” and three stars are awarded to restaurants offering “exceptional cuisine, worth a special journey”.  I don’t give Michelin stars much thought because they are not alway accurate.

Our meal took two hours.  The service was slow and the wait time between courses took a long time.  I think the restaurant wanted us to enjoy the moment but I just got really sleepy.  The bread man finally arrived and provided an array of breads including olive, sourdough, dinner roll, brioche, among others.  Bubby loved the brioche.  He ate like 5 of them.  I asked for some brioche and gave it to Bubby.  He said, “And that’s why I’m marrying you.”

The amuse bouche: Red grapes covered in goat cheese and pistachios

These pictures are really dark because they sat us where there was no lighting.   I love grapes and cheese so this was a nice refreshing starter.  Bubby hates goat cheese, so I ate two.  More for me, I win.

The second amuse bouche: Orange slice with olives and some kind of orange and pistachio gelée

This was served warm.  I did not care for it.  I do not like the gelatinous texture.  The flavor was okay.

While waiting for our first course to be served, the couple sitting next to us was definitely having an affair.  Bubby leaned in closer to their table and reported, “… they’re talking about adultery… something about a marriage’s vitriol … yeah … definitely … other woman.”  Homeboy was leaning so close to their table that he almost fell over.  And I said, “And that’s why I’m marrying you.”

First Course: Bubby ordered the “Hot and Cold Foie Gras” Artichoke, Mandarin and Lavender

The foie gras on the left is the cold version and the foie gras on the right was the hot version.  This dish was blessed by little baby Jesus.  He walked from heaven on his baby legs and blessed this dish.  The cold foie gras was creamy and the hot foie gras was succulent and warm like a hug from the inside.  I cried a little.

For my First Course I ordered the Blue Fin Tuna Abalone Gelee, Shiitake Mushrooms, Fennel and Fingerlime

This dish was super gelatinous and oceany.  I do not like the smell or taste of the ocean in seafood.  If I did, I’d be a lesbian.  This dish was not for me.  I had one bite and gave the rest to Bubby.

Second Course: We both ordered the Maine Lobster Bolognese Fresh Capellini, Truffle Froth

Why must they ruin a good thing with froth? Every time Marcelle from Top Chef adds froth, it looks like cat spit and makes me want to flip the table like a New Jersey housewife.  I don’t care if it’s truffle froth or liquid gold froth, it looks like Miso’s vomit when he throws up on an empty stomach –just pure bile.  Besides the froth, the pasta texture was soft and really good and the lobster should have been cut in bigger pieces. But overall, this dish was so salty.  Super salt lick salty.  I had to down 2 glasses of water after I ate it.

Third Course: We both ordered the Filet of Beef and Braised Cheek Crushed Potatoes, Morel Mushrooms, Béarnaise, Natural jus

The upper left corner: crushed potatoes
The upper right corner: braised cheek
The lower right corner: filet of beef on a bed of morel mushrooms in natural jus
The lower left corner: fried Béarnaise

The braised cheek and filet of beef were so salty.  And in the corner of the plate? More salt.

You know when food is so salty it cuts up the sides of your tongue?  I felt that.  It was like a salt bomb exploded in my mouth.  And by this time in the meal, I had already drank like 6 glasses of water.  The crushed potatoes were bland and Bubby said, “It’s like the potato salad you get at Ralph’s.”  Ouch.  The braised cheek was tender and flaked off with a fork and the filet was perfectly medium-well just like I requested.  I enjoyed the texture of the mushrooms, too.  But the best in show was the super fried Béarnaise.  Once you cracked it open, the sauce oozed out.  So creamy and dreamy.

Love.

Dessert: Assorted Mélisse Dessert

The dessert theme was chocolate and strawberries.  How fitting.  In the foreground, was a pastry of gelatinous strawberry and chocolate layers.  Back left is more strawberries in chocolate with chocolate ice cream next to it with liquid nitrogen blasted strawberries.  The strawberries were good, the chocolate? I’m not sure.  I don’t like chocolate.  Bubby ate the chocolate so ask him how the chocolate was.

On the other side of our table, was douchebag‘s sister.

Why are all these Asians bringing their big ass cameras into restaurants?  When did this become okay?  Her pictures are probably better than mine so maybe the joke’s on me.

Would I give Mélisse 2 Michelin stars? Absolutely not.  I would barely give Mélisse one fat Asian Michelin baby.

Yes, that’s me in all of my roll glory.

I give Mélisse 3 slow claps + One fat Asian Michelin baby because of the foie gras.

Mélisse
1104 Wilshire Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA