Tag Archives: chicken

Maui, Hawaii Part 2

15 Mar

During the difficult times at work, I like to fondly think of my time in Maui. At one point during our trip, Bubby and I had a serious conversation about moving to Hawaii and opening a shrimp truck called Miso’s.  But of course Bubby the buzz kill killed my shrimp truck dreams. At least we should try to visit every year. And every year I’m going to eat this French toast at Kihei Caffe (yes, two “f”s).

Banana macadamia nut French toast

This is the best French toast I have ever had.  Thick slices of crispy sweet bread, thick banana slices, crunchy macadamia nuts, drizzled with maple syrup and the house coconut syrup.

All of the components in one bite made me preach.  “I feel good! I feel good, because I know there’s a God somewhere! There’s a God somewhere! You know there’s a God who sits on high and looks down low! Man cannot make it like this!” Name that movie.

Bubby ordered the pork fried rice loco moco.

The pork fried rice inspired me to make a kimchi pork fried rice loco moco, and everything is better with kimchi. But even without the kimchi, this dish was savory and the perfect salty pairing to my French toast.  Kihei Caffe is a caloric dream come true.  While reveling in our food fantasy, we were suddenly disturbed by a gang of birds.

And the king of the bird gang, Rufio! Ruf-i-oooooooooooooo!

We got the hell out of the crossfire of Rufio’s gang, and went to Charley Young Beach so I could rub my belly in peace.

And at this beach, Poseidon summoned me once again. And in true Hawaiian tradition, I donated my favorite Rayban sunglasses to Poseidon.  Every time I go to Hawaii, Poseidon takes what it wants.  Seven years ago, it was my Juicy Couture red jumper and Ipod.  What was my jumper and Ipod doing in the ocean? Or better yet, why the hell was I wearing Juicy Couture?!  It was seven years ago, and it was a cute ass beach jumper.  Seven years ago, Bubby and I placed our belongings in a locker.  Bubby pinned the locker key to his board shorts while we took surfing lessons.  While Poseidon tossed us around wildly, the locker key unfastened from Bubby’s shorts.  Assuming we lost the key and needed the office to open our locker, we noticed our locker was wide open and empty.  Someone had found our key and stole our possessions, including Bubby’s wallet, our towels, and book.  We walked back to our hotel soaking wet with shame, almost nude, pissed as fuck at Poseidon.  Damn you, Poseidon.  I hope you are rocking the shit outta my shades.

Because there was so much to eat and so little time, we went to Foodland –the best grocery store in the land.  While Kroger (I call every grocery store Kroger) sells rotisserie chickens, Foodland sells spam musubi, ahi poke, and my favorite, spicy raw crab!.

Look at this big ass avocado!

You can also see how the humidity in Hawaii is helping my winter’s eczema, too.

For dinner, Bubby and I went to Mama’s Fish House, a very popular restaurant in Maui.  The restaurant faces the beautiful ocean view and provided a very romantic atmosphere.

Macadamia nut crab cakes

I love crab cakes and cannot wait to go to Baltimore to eat some authentic cakes and to take The Wire tour.  These crab cakes definitely had nice chunks of crab, more crab than breading which is essential for a good CRAB cake.  The tomato relish provided a nice spicy and cool hint of flavor to the meaty cakes.

Opakapaka in lime and coconut milk served in a fresh coconut (Tahitian ceviche)

I asked for extra limes and drowned the shit out of the Hawaiian pink snapper.  I scraped the coconut flesh off the shell and mixed the gelatinous shavings with the ceviche.  This ceviche is making my mouth water as I type these damn words.

Bouillabaisse Mahimahi, lobster, shrimp, scallop and shellfish simmered in a saffron broth, with garlic rouille

Isn’t this picture the most beautiful bowl of underwater treasures?  As you can imagine, the seafood in Hawaii is fresh fo’ sho’.  The scallops were the size of silver dollars and as thick as marshmallows.  There was so much seafood in this dish that every spoonful contained several different types of seafood. My only issue with this dish was that I don’t think the pasta is made from scratch.  If Mama made fresh pasta, this dish would be the best dish of the trip especially since I rationed the garlic bread to last throughout the entire meal.

And to remind myself that I’m on vacation, I make sure the following happen.  I don’t wear makeup.  I must consume a fruity beverage with an umbrella  in it.  And I eat dessert after every meal.  Yes, every meal.  Ergo, ladies and gentlemen I introduce you to Ono Gelato.  The best fuckin’ gelato I have ever had.  Yes, I’ve never had gelato from Italy, but I don’t think I’ll have to.

Coconut is the shit.  But add some strawberry into the swirl, and I was immediately doing my happy dance while wiggling my toes.  Bubby even asked, “Are your toes dancing for gelato?”  Yes, Goddamit. Don’t judge me.  Best. gelato. ever.

Okay, I just gained five pounds writing this shit.

Kihei Caffe
1945 South Kihei Road
Kihei, HI

Mama’s Fish House
799 Poho Place
Paia, HI

Ono Gelato
1280 South Kihei Road
Kihei, HI

Ono Gelato
115 Hana Hwy # D
Paia, HI

Ono Gelato
815 Front Street
Lahaina, HI

We went to two out of the three Ono Gelato locations, and I give 5 slow mothafuckin claps.


Maui, Hawaii Part 1

24 Jan

I’m 31 today. I have been drinking legally for 10 years today. A full decade of buying my own liquor. No stealing Blister’s ID to sneak into clubs and memorizing that she’s an Aries and graduated from high school in 1996 just in case the bouncer asks. No paying that significantly older guy in the circle of friends to buy everyone’s liquor. Isn’t it weird that every high school crew had that one older friend who always hung out with the high school kids when he was like a hard 27? Anyway, I’m 31. To celebrate my 21st tenth year anniversary, Bubby took me to Maui. It was either Maui or theYSL bag I had my eye on for the last few months. And sinceYSL can’t give me a tan, loco moco, or four days off of work … Aloha, baby.

We are staying at the Makena Resort, south of Wailea. Here’s our view from our balcony. Golf course on the left and ocean on the right.

Since Bubby and I were working until the minute we boarded our plane, we didn’t know what to expect. We figured Maui was like Honolulu and everything was within walking distance. It’s not. You must rent a car and don’t wait until the last minute to rent one because the lady working at Enterprise will laugh in your face and let you know that all car rentals are gone for the entire island. Luckily, Budget at the Grand Wailea had 2 cars left. A convertible or the jeep. We chose this bad boy:

That’s right. Cherry red stang. Man, driving in Hawaii with the top down, sun on your shoulders, and wind in your hair makes one feel like a teenage boy full of testosterone. If Bubby was a teenage girl, I’d take her in the back seat and pop her cherry in my cherry stang. But Bubby is 30 so I turned up the Phil Collins and belt out an obligatory, older lady’s “woo hoo!”

I was itchin’ for some poke so we drove to The Fish Market in Lahaina. I requested that he make mine spicy.

The ahi is super fresh and the spicy soy sauce, onions, green onions, vinegar sauce was perfect. This is the perfect snack because it’s light, spicy, and savory. For lunch, Bubby ordered the ahi burger and I ordered a Hawaiian white fish (I can’t remember the name because I have vacay brain) with a side of mac salad.

I poured the left over poke sauce on my fish because it lacked flavor. Bubby disliked the onion bun on his burger.  The next time I come to The Fish Market, I’ll order a full pound of the spicy poke on a bed of rice. I’m a simple girl. After we stuffed our faces,we went to Kapua beach. Here’s Bubby lost at sea.

This beach looks nice but had rocks scattered all over the bottom of the ocean, making it difficult to squeeze the sand between my monkey toes. The ocean temperature is a lot colder than the ocean in Waikiki but it’s probably because the masses in Waikiki are probably pissing in the ocean and raising its overall temperature. And for that, I can handle fripples.

I’ve been to Hawaii several times but have never been to a Hawaiian lu’au. Bubby made reservations for us at Old Lahaina Lu’au and you can imagine my surprise when all of the waiters looked like this:

And this:

I immediately sent these photos to Blister and she responded with a “DAYUM! Which lu’au did you go to … chippendales Maui.” Yes, Blister. DAYUM, indeed. I couldn’t stop staring at the waiters, especially the ones with the tatted sleeves. My gawking was a level 10 that Bubby agreed to get a tattoo as long as it was original and meaningful. Happy birthday to me.

The buffet at the lu’au offered your typical Hawaiian options. They even dug out the swine from the ground.  The recurring theme for me in Hawaii was to stack my plate with so much food that it resembles a trough.

DAMN IT! My stupid Ipad just ate the rest of my blog post.  STUPID IPAD. I basically broke down every single item on this plate in a clockwise fashion and now it’s gone.  STUPID IPAD.  Speaking of Ipad, we were sitting on the beach in Maui and I told Bubby, “Oh no, there is so much sand in my Ipad … that’s annoying.”  And my smart-ass husband muttered, “White people problems.”

Anyway, I also wrote a long love letter to the guava/strawberry butter at the lu’au. I was raving on and on about how decadent this magical butter tasted to my husband, and this rude girl sitting across from us (1) overheard our conversation and (2) stuck her dirty ass finger through my precious butter. WHAT THE WHAT?!  Kids are so rude these days.  After licking her dirty ass finger she looked at me and nodded, “it is good.”  Damn Omar Little, jackin’ my shit.

In sum, the lu’au had tasty butter, chicken long rice (the noodles in the small black cup), and tattooed eye candy.

The Fish Market
3600 L. Honoapiilani Road
Lahaina, Hawaii
(the poke deserves 5 fresh claps but the other dishes deserve 2)

Old Lahaina Lu’au
1251 Front Street
Lahaina, Hawaii
(the food deserves 2 claps but the staff deserves a standing ovation and 6 claps symbolizing their 6-pack abs, Good morning!)

Christmas 2011

3 Jan

I love Christmas!  The wrapping paper, the red Starbucks cups, the candy canes, lights, baked goods galore, and dressing Miso up for our annual holiday card.  This year he was a reindeer, but next year’s card will have him as the reindeer, Santa, and elf (past Christmas card costumes).  The pain and suffering in his eyes when dressed in these ridiculous outfits is definitely the true meaning of Christmas.  Here he is in his onesie photobombing my picture of all of the Christmas presents I purchased for others this year.

He always looks like a baby when dressed in his onesie, but he gets so damn lazy.  Look at this lazy bitch.

He would not move off these pillows all day.

I also obviously love Christmas for the food.  All the red and green colored foods that make it feel like you’re literally eating Christmas.

Strawberry Waffles

Bubby made these delicious waffles for me when I was craving breakfast food for dinner.

Chicken and Cheese Enchiladas

I used manchego cheese which is essential for any good enchilada or quesadilla.  I took the leftover rotisserie chicken, shredded the meat, and stuffed it into these bad boys.  The top picture is for Bubby who doesn’t like cheese as much as I do but later regretted not having a thick layer of manchego cheese on top of his enchiladas.

Turkey Meatballs

turkey meatballs

I used Giada’s recipe as a guideline to make these turkey meatballs even though she’s the most annoying person on television.  Really, does she have to over- enunciate every Italian word?!  I poured a liberal amount of vodka and made a creamy vodka sauce.

For Christmas lunch, I prepared Roast Prime Rib and Chicken & Lobster Pot Pie

The roast rib came out to a perfect medium rare pink.  It was as good as Lawry’s for a fraction of the price.  For 10 lbs of roast rib from Whole Foods, it cost around $112.  That’s basically two orders of prime rib, but my roast fed 8 people with a lot left over.  I made the pot pie because it’s my father-in-law’s favorite.  Apparently, he was muttering, “ho sic” which means good in Cantonese.   “Ho sic,” “oh, shit” is right.  This pot pie was good.   I used already-made pie crust because I wasn’t trying to reinvent the wheel.  Pie crust is so hard to make, trust me … it sucks.  But what doesn’t suck, is this rich and creamy pot pie.  Next year, I won’t sprinkle the already made pie crust with sea salt because the pie crust was already salted.  Good tip.

Au jus

Blister almost shit her pants when she saw the fat drippings I used to make this au jus.  Do not use as much red wine as suggested, it gives the au jus a tangy aftertaste. I also made some sour cream horseradish sauce for the prime rib but forgot to take a picture.

Blister made the creamed corn and was, again, shocked by the bacon grease required to give this corn a smokey flavor.

BBQ Baked Beans

I made these baked beans for my dad thinking it was his favorite, but he barely touched them.  No more Christmas baked beans.

Gingered Carrots

I left these carrots in the oven 15 minutes too long.  The ends got slightly burned.  I cut the tips off and ate the rest.  (That’s what she said.)

After stuffing our faces with nearly 3,000 calories, we opened our gifts.  Look at what Santa brought me.

I was very good this year.
The lazy bitch eventually jumped off the pillows, but look at how the lazy bitch wrapped himself up in cashmere.

I love Christmas!

Enrique’s Mexican Restaurant

17 Feb

What I love about this blog is finding out how new readers found my blog via search engines.  The search terms are ridiculously hilarious.  For example, these are a few search terms people entered, besides “meat and confer blog” and ultimately found my blog:

  • fat filipino guy (6 searches)
  • zodiac killer movie coming out of woods (2 searches)
  • burnt chicken skin (2 searches)
  • couple killas on my left, couple killas on my right, but i am a motha fuckin killer myself! (1 search)
  • bruce lee haircut (1 search)
  • fucking juicy-ass pancake (1 search)

The others are not as funny.  But why have there been 6 searches for fat Filipino guy and why does my blog appear in the search engine?  That’s so funny to me.  Fat Filipino guys, gotta love em.

Back to food, says the fat Korean girl.

I love Mexican food.  Love.  Born and raised in Texas, I grew up on really good Tex Mex.  Dishes like chili con queso and fajitas are Tex Mex inventions.  I miss my Tex Mex.   I do enjoy some lengua tacos and tortas at El Taurino.  The homemade hot sauce is great.  Bubby loves the taco truck in Pasadena.  I’ve had Mexican food in Rosarito, Ensenada, Puerto Vallarta, Cabo, and Cancun.  I love Mexican food.

My favorite Mexican restaurant in the L.A. area has to be Enrique’s Mexican Restaurant in the LBC.  We found this gem of a restaurant by accident, and love it every time we go.

The chips and salsa.

There are dark chips and light chips.  The lighter ones are crispier and tastier.  The salsa is fresh and they are so good about refilling this cup over and over again.

My regular order is the Bistec Tampiqueno.

Rib eye steak with one cheese enchilada.  It makes me want to whisper, “I wish I knew how to quit you, Jack Nasty. ”  Look at all that cheese.

Here’s my view of eating the cheesy enchilada.

Bubby ordered the Chicken Veracruz which he liked more than the pork shank that people raved about on Yelp.

I didn’t try it because I don’t like chicken unless it’s fried.  He said it was good. I believe him.  But the best part was the refried beans.

The beans were pan seared so they had a crispy golden edge and really soft texture inside.  Mmm.

I haven’t ordered the burrito but they looked gargantuan.  I probably will stick to my Bistec Tampiqueno because why mess with a good thing.

I give Enrique’s 4 slow claps out of 5.

Enrique’s Mexican Restaurant
6210 E Pacific Coast Hwy
Long Beach, CA


27 Jan

Another Dine LA adventure.  This time I went with my friend, Chuck Bass.  I wanted to call this friend Silver Fox, but he refused.

Chuck Bass: Silver Fox? I sound like I’m 45!!!
Me: Then what?
Chuck Bass: What about Gayle King?
Me: You ain’t a black woman.
Chuck Bass: Steadman?
Me: You ain’t a black man.
Chuck Bass: I’m Chuck Bass.

So Chuck Bass and I decided to go to Lucques for dinner for Dine LA. Chuck Bass was also my dinner companion for Jar.   He was the genius who ordered the delicious Char Siu Pork Chop.  Chuck Bass loves the finest things in life.  He’s fabulous.  I love breaking bread with him because he’s also one of the sweetest people I know.

Lucques is a very romantic setting for a date.  Dark, candles, cozy, brick walls.  There was this couple in their 50’s in the corner who couldn’t keep their grubby hands off each other.  Definitely an affair to remember.  They were rubbing each other like it was forbidden and not God-approved.  Scandalous.  But because the restaurant was so dark, I couldn’t take any pictures.  I tried to maneuver the candle strategically for pictures but I couldn’t make it work.   I wanted to use my flash on my phone, but Chuck Bass forbade me.  Chuck Bass is like your white grandmother in her crisp pink Chanel suit and pearls with a Virginia Slims cigarette delicately held between her fingers shaking her head no.   “Honey, you are not going to use your flash.”  Fuck.

These photos are not the photos from my experience.  They are similar to what I ate, but not the exact dish.   The waiter provided bread for the table with sea salt, butter, almonds, and olives.  All of these combined were so good.  I spread butter on my bread and sprinkled sea salt on it.  Amazing.

I really love salt.  If I eat too much of it, my face bloats up like a pumpkin.  I don’t care.  For my appetizer, I ordered the schaner farms’ citrus salad with avocado and pistachio aillade.  This is the closest picture I could find.

This salad was refreshing and light.  I sprinkled some sea salt over the grapefruit and orange wedges which really brightened the acidic flavor.  A perfect appetizer.  Salty.  Sour. Creamy from the avocados. Nutty from the pistachios.  A perfect start.

Next, I ordered the niman ranch hangar steak with chanterelle-potato gratin, roasted shallots and gremolata.  It kind of looked like this.

The steak was a little too salty, and I definitely add salt on everything.  The potato gratin and the arugula sides were better than the steak itself.  But overall, the dish was great.  But Chuck Bass’s dish was even better.  He ordered the grilled chicken paillard with warm spinach salad, parmesan pudding and soft egg.

He busted that egg yolk all over that chicken and just smothered that bad boy.  Egg yolk all up on it.  The chicken was grilled with nice little grill marks.  The chicken was juicy and probably the best boneless chicken I ever had.  I know I’ve been throwing around those words “best I ever had” a lot these days.  But truly, I mean it.  It was amazing.  Chuck Bass orders the best dishes ever.

For dessert, Chuck Bass ordered the fried donuts and ice cream (non Dine LA option), and I ordered the sticky toffee pudding with braised pineapple and vanilla ice cream.  The donut hole was warm and sprinkled with cinnamon.  The chocolate donut had rice crispies on the outside of the donut.  Donuts + rice crispies + ice cream = me + 5 pounds.  Asians are good at math.

My dessert was not as good.  I did not care for it.  Chuck Bass said it was because it’s a “white dessert.”

Chuck Bass: You wouldn’t like toffee pudding.  Only white people like toffee pudding.
Me: Really?
Chuck Bass: Yeah.
Me: I only have 2 white friends.  You and my coworker, Cellmate.
Chuck Bass: You’re racist.
Me: I don’t think white people want to be friends with me.  In fact, I think you and Cellmate may be the only white people at my wedding.
Chuck Bass: We should carpool.
Me: Why don’t white people want to be my friend?
Chuck Bass: I don’t know. I have a lot of Asian friends.

Why don’t white people want to be my friend?  Why do I only have 2? I have half white cousins.  And their children are 3/4 white.  But I only have 2 white friends.  I must have more.  The old couple next to us were basically seated on my lap and shocked by our conversation on race and my lack of white friends.   Maybe they could be my white friend numbers 3 and 4.  Well, maybe not the woman because she stank.  She took a bath in Chanel’s Mademoiselle that Chuck Bass and I literally had the dinner napkin stuffed in our nostrils to protect us from the smell.  But the old white man can be my friend.  I’ll definitely provide updates with my quest for making more white friends.

Lucques was great.  I’ll give it 4 slow claps out of 5.

Gossip Girl

8474 Melrose Ave.
West Hollywood, CA