Tag Archives: avocado

Maui, Hawaii Part 2

15 Mar

During the difficult times at work, I like to fondly think of my time in Maui. At one point during our trip, Bubby and I had a serious conversation about moving to Hawaii and opening a shrimp truck called Miso’s.  But of course Bubby the buzz kill killed my shrimp truck dreams. At least we should try to visit every year. And every year I’m going to eat this French toast at Kihei Caffe (yes, two “f”s).

Banana macadamia nut French toast

This is the best French toast I have ever had.  Thick slices of crispy sweet bread, thick banana slices, crunchy macadamia nuts, drizzled with maple syrup and the house coconut syrup.

All of the components in one bite made me preach.  “I feel good! I feel good, because I know there’s a God somewhere! There’s a God somewhere! You know there’s a God who sits on high and looks down low! Man cannot make it like this!” Name that movie.

Bubby ordered the pork fried rice loco moco.

The pork fried rice inspired me to make a kimchi pork fried rice loco moco, and everything is better with kimchi. But even without the kimchi, this dish was savory and the perfect salty pairing to my French toast.  Kihei Caffe is a caloric dream come true.  While reveling in our food fantasy, we were suddenly disturbed by a gang of birds.

And the king of the bird gang, Rufio! Ruf-i-oooooooooooooo!

We got the hell out of the crossfire of Rufio’s gang, and went to Charley Young Beach so I could rub my belly in peace.

And at this beach, Poseidon summoned me once again. And in true Hawaiian tradition, I donated my favorite Rayban sunglasses to Poseidon.  Every time I go to Hawaii, Poseidon takes what it wants.  Seven years ago, it was my Juicy Couture red jumper and Ipod.  What was my jumper and Ipod doing in the ocean? Or better yet, why the hell was I wearing Juicy Couture?!  It was seven years ago, and it was a cute ass beach jumper.  Seven years ago, Bubby and I placed our belongings in a locker.  Bubby pinned the locker key to his board shorts while we took surfing lessons.  While Poseidon tossed us around wildly, the locker key unfastened from Bubby’s shorts.  Assuming we lost the key and needed the office to open our locker, we noticed our locker was wide open and empty.  Someone had found our key and stole our possessions, including Bubby’s wallet, our towels, and book.  We walked back to our hotel soaking wet with shame, almost nude, pissed as fuck at Poseidon.  Damn you, Poseidon.  I hope you are rocking the shit outta my shades.

Because there was so much to eat and so little time, we went to Foodland –the best grocery store in the land.  While Kroger (I call every grocery store Kroger) sells rotisserie chickens, Foodland sells spam musubi, ahi poke, and my favorite, spicy raw crab!.

Look at this big ass avocado!

You can also see how the humidity in Hawaii is helping my winter’s eczema, too.

For dinner, Bubby and I went to Mama’s Fish House, a very popular restaurant in Maui.  The restaurant faces the beautiful ocean view and provided a very romantic atmosphere.

Macadamia nut crab cakes

I love crab cakes and cannot wait to go to Baltimore to eat some authentic cakes and to take The Wire tour.  These crab cakes definitely had nice chunks of crab, more crab than breading which is essential for a good CRAB cake.  The tomato relish provided a nice spicy and cool hint of flavor to the meaty cakes.

Opakapaka in lime and coconut milk served in a fresh coconut (Tahitian ceviche)

I asked for extra limes and drowned the shit out of the Hawaiian pink snapper.  I scraped the coconut flesh off the shell and mixed the gelatinous shavings with the ceviche.  This ceviche is making my mouth water as I type these damn words.

Bouillabaisse Mahimahi, lobster, shrimp, scallop and shellfish simmered in a saffron broth, with garlic rouille

Isn’t this picture the most beautiful bowl of underwater treasures?  As you can imagine, the seafood in Hawaii is fresh fo’ sho’.  The scallops were the size of silver dollars and as thick as marshmallows.  There was so much seafood in this dish that every spoonful contained several different types of seafood. My only issue with this dish was that I don’t think the pasta is made from scratch.  If Mama made fresh pasta, this dish would be the best dish of the trip especially since I rationed the garlic bread to last throughout the entire meal.

And to remind myself that I’m on vacation, I make sure the following happen.  I don’t wear makeup.  I must consume a fruity beverage with an umbrella  in it.  And I eat dessert after every meal.  Yes, every meal.  Ergo, ladies and gentlemen I introduce you to Ono Gelato.  The best fuckin’ gelato I have ever had.  Yes, I’ve never had gelato from Italy, but I don’t think I’ll have to.

Coconut is the shit.  But add some strawberry into the swirl, and I was immediately doing my happy dance while wiggling my toes.  Bubby even asked, “Are your toes dancing for gelato?”  Yes, Goddamit. Don’t judge me.  Best. gelato. ever.

Okay, I just gained five pounds writing this shit.

Kihei Caffe
1945 South Kihei Road
Kihei, HI

Mama’s Fish House
799 Poho Place
Paia, HI

Ono Gelato
1280 South Kihei Road
Kihei, HI

Ono Gelato
115 Hana Hwy # D
Paia, HI

Ono Gelato
815 Front Street
Lahaina, HI

We went to two out of the three Ono Gelato locations, and I give 5 slow mothafuckin claps.



27 Jan

Another Dine LA adventure.  This time I went with my friend, Chuck Bass.  I wanted to call this friend Silver Fox, but he refused.

Chuck Bass: Silver Fox? I sound like I’m 45!!!
Me: Then what?
Chuck Bass: What about Gayle King?
Me: You ain’t a black woman.
Chuck Bass: Steadman?
Me: You ain’t a black man.
Chuck Bass: I’m Chuck Bass.

So Chuck Bass and I decided to go to Lucques for dinner for Dine LA. Chuck Bass was also my dinner companion for Jar.   He was the genius who ordered the delicious Char Siu Pork Chop.  Chuck Bass loves the finest things in life.  He’s fabulous.  I love breaking bread with him because he’s also one of the sweetest people I know.

Lucques is a very romantic setting for a date.  Dark, candles, cozy, brick walls.  There was this couple in their 50’s in the corner who couldn’t keep their grubby hands off each other.  Definitely an affair to remember.  They were rubbing each other like it was forbidden and not God-approved.  Scandalous.  But because the restaurant was so dark, I couldn’t take any pictures.  I tried to maneuver the candle strategically for pictures but I couldn’t make it work.   I wanted to use my flash on my phone, but Chuck Bass forbade me.  Chuck Bass is like your white grandmother in her crisp pink Chanel suit and pearls with a Virginia Slims cigarette delicately held between her fingers shaking her head no.   “Honey, you are not going to use your flash.”  Fuck.

These photos are not the photos from my experience.  They are similar to what I ate, but not the exact dish.   The waiter provided bread for the table with sea salt, butter, almonds, and olives.  All of these combined were so good.  I spread butter on my bread and sprinkled sea salt on it.  Amazing.

I really love salt.  If I eat too much of it, my face bloats up like a pumpkin.  I don’t care.  For my appetizer, I ordered the schaner farms’ citrus salad with avocado and pistachio aillade.  This is the closest picture I could find.

This salad was refreshing and light.  I sprinkled some sea salt over the grapefruit and orange wedges which really brightened the acidic flavor.  A perfect appetizer.  Salty.  Sour. Creamy from the avocados. Nutty from the pistachios.  A perfect start.

Next, I ordered the niman ranch hangar steak with chanterelle-potato gratin, roasted shallots and gremolata.  It kind of looked like this.

The steak was a little too salty, and I definitely add salt on everything.  The potato gratin and the arugula sides were better than the steak itself.  But overall, the dish was great.  But Chuck Bass’s dish was even better.  He ordered the grilled chicken paillard with warm spinach salad, parmesan pudding and soft egg.

He busted that egg yolk all over that chicken and just smothered that bad boy.  Egg yolk all up on it.  The chicken was grilled with nice little grill marks.  The chicken was juicy and probably the best boneless chicken I ever had.  I know I’ve been throwing around those words “best I ever had” a lot these days.  But truly, I mean it.  It was amazing.  Chuck Bass orders the best dishes ever.

For dessert, Chuck Bass ordered the fried donuts and ice cream (non Dine LA option), and I ordered the sticky toffee pudding with braised pineapple and vanilla ice cream.  The donut hole was warm and sprinkled with cinnamon.  The chocolate donut had rice crispies on the outside of the donut.  Donuts + rice crispies + ice cream = me + 5 pounds.  Asians are good at math.

My dessert was not as good.  I did not care for it.  Chuck Bass said it was because it’s a “white dessert.”

Chuck Bass: You wouldn’t like toffee pudding.  Only white people like toffee pudding.
Me: Really?
Chuck Bass: Yeah.
Me: I only have 2 white friends.  You and my coworker, Cellmate.
Chuck Bass: You’re racist.
Me: I don’t think white people want to be friends with me.  In fact, I think you and Cellmate may be the only white people at my wedding.
Chuck Bass: We should carpool.
Me: Why don’t white people want to be my friend?
Chuck Bass: I don’t know. I have a lot of Asian friends.

Why don’t white people want to be my friend?  Why do I only have 2? I have half white cousins.  And their children are 3/4 white.  But I only have 2 white friends.  I must have more.  The old couple next to us were basically seated on my lap and shocked by our conversation on race and my lack of white friends.   Maybe they could be my white friend numbers 3 and 4.  Well, maybe not the woman because she stank.  She took a bath in Chanel’s Mademoiselle that Chuck Bass and I literally had the dinner napkin stuffed in our nostrils to protect us from the smell.  But the old white man can be my friend.  I’ll definitely provide updates with my quest for making more white friends.

Lucques was great.  I’ll give it 4 slow claps out of 5.

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8474 Melrose Ave.
West Hollywood, CA