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Fran’s Chocolate

7 Jun

Before my doctor-ordered “Survivor” starvation diet, I tried to investigate what caused my allergies through a trial and error process. At one point, I seriously thought it was gluten, the new food enemy. Before gluten, the food enemy included trans fats and complex carbohydrates, but now everyone collectively hates gluten. Recently, Bubby and I had a very profound conversation about the serious effects of gluten.

Me: I think I’m allergic to gluten.
Bubby: What?
Me: I think I’m allergic to gluten.
Bubby: Really?
Me: Yeah, really.
Bubby: No, really as in you’re really telling me this as you stuff cake in your mouth?

And just like that I was all for gluten again. The next food I eliminated was chocolate. Chocolate was not as difficult as gluten to forego since I am not a chocolate fanatic. I do love chocolate cake (the flour kind), but not chocolate chocolate.  People seem to lose their shit when I admit this, I hear responses like “What do you do when you’re on your period? Don’t you crave it? How can you hate chocolate? What’s wrong with you? I’m such a chocoholic! Dark chocolate is the best! The darker, the better! Once you go black …”

I’ve heard it all. Despite everyone’s judgmental and unsolicited opinions, I don’t really like chocolate.  So imagine my surprise when I devoured these bad babies called Fran’s Chocolates (a Seattle staple) given to me as a thank you gift from Mimi.

At first, I was hesitant to try one.  But I have an extremely salty palette, and I love all things salty.  I was strictly ordered by Mimi to place the chocolate square upside down, salt side down flat on the tongue, wait 5 seconds, and then chew.  After hearing the detailed instructions, I immediately thought what a little high-maintenance bitch of a chocolate.  I hate when food comes with instructions, it’s just so bossy.  But fortunately for me, I followed the lengthy instructions and was so glad I did.  The salt lingers on your tongue while you chew into the rich caramel center.  This isn’t your ordinary caramel either.  It’s not the super sticky kind that pulls all 18 fillings out of your teeth. It’s the deeper, richer good shit.  The chocolate is not your typical chocolate either.  It’s darker than milk, lighter than dark but perfectly accentuates the flavors from the salt and caramel.

Fran’s Chocolates kicks every boxed chocolate’s ass like Godiva’s, Russell Stover’s, See’s, Whitman’s.  The real question would be whether it would kick La Maison du Chocolat’s ass.  Because LMDC chocolate is like crack.  Just dirty crack that makes you lose your job, your savings, and relationships.  I definitely will need to conduct a side-by-side tasting between the two.  *Adding to bucket list.

Thank you, Mimi.  You really do give the best gifts.  I ate every square and only shared a few with Blister and Bubby.  In fact, Bubby was looking forward to them as an after-dinner treat but I told him I was on my period and craaaaved chocolate.

Fran’s Chocolates


Happy 30th Birthday, Bubby

28 Dec

Bubby is 30 years old.  I remember when he was just a bright-eyed 23 year old law student with rice rocket bangs, braces, and Old Navy dad jeans.  Now, he’s a man with dry wax-fingered hair, Zoom-whitened teeth, and a sturdy pair of Helmut Lang jeans.  He’s the only guy I know who has successfully jumped the ladder from permanent friend zone to “he must be mine” status.  Like a slow growing mold, he managed to successfully be my friend, boyfriend, fancy  fiancé, and husband.  He’s the best.

For his 30th  birthday, I wanted to throw him the birthday party of his dreams with the food of his people, dark chocolate treats, Super Mario Brothers theme, and a beer pong tournament.  I rented out the entire patio and set up a buffet of Chinese dishes.  The space is amazing.  There was an area for food with heat lamps and an area for beer pong.

I ordered the cloud balloons online, and purchased red and gold balloons from Party City.  Imagine me driving in a two-door coupe with 35 balloons.  Not my brightest idea.

For Bubby’s dark chocolate treats, I decided to make centerpieces filled with rice krispy treats, cake pops, and dark chocolate molds.

Rice Krispy Stars

I dipped one side of the star in melted yellow chocolate and used marshmallow fluff as the “glue” to keep the stick in place.  I purchased the star cookie cutter and edible black marker from Surfas in Culver City.  I wish I knew about that place before I got married because they have EVERYTHING!  And they also have a delicious little cafe connected to the store with a lot of tasty desserts.

Mario Dark Chocolate Mustaches

These mustaches were the easiest to create.  I melted black dark chocolate and poured them into a mustache mold that I purchased from Classic Cake Decorations in Garden Grove, CA.

Yoshi Egg Cake Pops

Blister helped create these amazing Yoshi egg cake pops.  We used peanut butter as our “glue” and old fashioned  yellow cake.  Blister carefully painted white chocolate and methodically attached red and green candied dots.  We tried to stick them in a Styrofoam take-out container, but it was too heavy. It didn’t work.

Toad Cake Pops

These were the most difficult to make.  We used the My Little Cupcake mold to create these mushrooms.  Blister carefully painted the Toads with chocolate and put them in the freezer to harden.

The finished centerpiece

We individually wrapped each treat and stuck them in question marked boxes purchased at Party City.  Each box was filled with dry rice and star candies to cover the rice.  I threw in some gold coins, too.

I ordered these napkins online and have tons left over.  I’m not sure when I’ll use them again.  Anyone want them?

The Mint Ice Cream Chocolate Cake from Coldstone Creamery

The cake looks like a hot mess, and it’s Coldstone Creamery’s fault.  I specifically ordered a clean white cake without chocolate shavings on the border and no “Happy Birthday” message.  Look at this font?!  It looks like someone tried to challenge himself and pipe the icing with his non-dominant hand.  What the fuck?  I was really pissed at Coldstone for their inability to follow instructions.  Don’t go to the Coldstone in Westwood.

The beer pong tournament was a blast, and the night was a success.  And like clockwork, I ran into “Drunk Bubby” who makes an appearance once a year on December 10.  Drunk Bubby is a hot mess.  He can’t walk, he slurs, he hugs everyone way too much, tells everyone he loves the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and when I ask if he wants to eat his Del Taco tacos or sleep, he says “both.”  Facepalm.

My Favorite Things

27 Dec

Ever since Oprah retired from her television show, I don’t have anyone to tell me what to buy this year.  Instead, Blister and I decided to create our own “favorite things” and “book club” selections.  These favorite things are not all food related, but still deserve to be mentioned on this food blog.  Our list for 2011.

Conair Infiniti Series You Curl Ceramic Curling Iron

I have been waiting for a good ceramic curling iron ever since I purchased the ceramic Chi straightener.  This curling iron lacks a clamp to hold down the hair, so it doesn’t imprint a marked line on your hair.  It comes with a three-fingered black Lady Gaga-esque glove to hold the hair and twirl it around the extremely hot barrel.  The curls can vary from tight Taylor Swift-lets to loose beachy waves.  I prefer the latter.  If you go to Nordstrom Rack, it’s cheaper than the average retail price.

Sheex Performance Sheet Set

My favorite hobby is eating.  My second is sleeping, and my bed is my temple.  Smothered in soft Pottery  Barn sheets (thanks, Mexicunnie!), allergen-free pillows and comforter, I needed the perfect sheet set to complete my sleeping experience.  Sheex is the best purchase I made in 2011. They are more expensive than your typical sheet set because they’re made from workout material to keep you cool and dry.  I love to run my legs all over the flat sheet and experience the slippery feel.  They are available at Bed Bath & Beyond, but don’t forget your 20% coupon.   I just used a coupon from 2008 and they still accepted it.


They look like Bruce Lee’s martial arts shoes and are not as ugly as Uggs.  They’re super comfortable and light.  I throw them into my purse and don’t even realize they’re in there.  I bought a pair for Blister and Bubby, and Blister intends to use them for traveling and going to pilates class.  They really are the perfect security check shoes: easy off and easy on.  I wore my pair to work and even though a few people asked if I was really wearing Toms to work, I confirmed they were “professional” Toms since they’re all black.  But the most important thing, Toms gives the same pair of Toms to a child in need of shoes.  How great is that!

MAC Pro Longwear Lipglass

I have a love/hate relationship with the original MAC Lipglass.  It’s too sticky and thick, but gives excellent shine.  I do hate it when my hair gets trapped and caught in the gloss because now my hair is sticky, too.   But the new Pro Longwear Lipglass is like the new and improved lipglass.  It’s still a thick lip gloss but it’s not as sticky.  It also lasts forever which is an added bonus especially because Blister tells me to put on some lip chap like ten times a day.  I have it in “Show Me!” and always receive compliments for its color.  It’s a staple.

Nambé Utensils

A coworker introduced me to this company called Nambé.  They make all kinds of great flatware, dinnerware, and general home goods.  After Bubby and I got married, we decided to discard our IKEA bubble blue utensils and purchased the 43-piece Maia flatware.  The upgrade is fantastic.  I never thought that having nice utensils would have such an impact on my eating experience, but it does.  The girth is perfectly sized so it’s not as thick as a shovel but not too thin either.  The weight is not too heavy or too light.  It’s the baby bear of utensils that Goldilocks dreamed about scooping her heaps of stolen porridge.

Magnolia’s Bakery Banana Pudding

When I’m having a bad day, Bubby buys me tea roses and Magnolia’s banana pudding.  I love this pudding.  It is whipped, light, not too sweet, and totally worth being fat for.  Generally, I would agree with Kate Moss since nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but her hungry ass has clearly never had Magnolia’s banana pudding because she would be 200 pounds if she had.  This pudding instantly makes me happy and the Nilla wafers bring back childhood memories.  I found the recipe online, let’s hope it doesn’t work out because I will gain 50 pounds.  Trust.  I can’t wait to use my Nambé spoon to devour my pudding.


How could I forget the Clarisonic?  This tiny little machine cleans every single pore with its vibrating motion.  I washed my face without the Clarisonic and thought I had removed all of my makeup.  I followed up with the Clarisonic and noticed makeup on the brush that did not come off the first time.  This powerful machine works so well that after the first two weeks of using it, I broke out because it was expelling all of the dirt from my pores.  It’s a wonderful little tool, and every girl or guy who wears make up needs to invest in one of these bad boys.  I use the Professional with Bubby (separate heads, of course), and Blister and El Ninja have the Mia.

Feel free to add your favorite things in the comments section.

Donut Man

10 Jun

After Bubby and I met with our officiant to discuss the details of our wedding ceremony, we wanted to treat ourselves to a nice reward.  Donuts.  Last week was National Donut Day (the first Friday of June) and to me, National Donut Day is the equivalent to Christmas.  And did anyone bring me any presents on my favorite holiday?!!   No.  Fuckers.  So I decided to buy my own holiday gift of freshly fried dough at Donut Man.

Bubby said “Jim” looks like Peter Griffin.  Totally true.

I’ve heard good things about the strawberry donuts at Donut Man.  It’s even on Jonathan Gold’s list of “99 Things to Eat in L.A. Before You Die.”  I keep a copy of that list in my office and have almost checked off the entire list.  I agree with some of his choices, not all.  I’ll make a list of my own.

After a long drive to BFE, we finally arrived.  Donut Man is located next to a gym which is hilarious.  I couldn’t wait to devour my strawberry donut in front of the fat guy running for his life on the treadmill.  That, to me, is the true meaning of National Donut Day.  We walked toward the Donut Man, and the air smelled like a state fair.  It smelled like fresh funnel cakes.  So happy.

Donut Man is not a restaurant, it’s a walk-up counter with lots of donuts on display.  Immediately you notice the array of sugary treats.

The “world famous” strawberry donuts.

The tiger tails.

The apple cinnamon.

The chocolate dong donuts.

Bubby and I ordered one tiger tail, one chocolate dong donut, one apple cinnamon, one cinnamon crumble, one glazed, and one world famous strawberry.  I wanted to order the cream cheese donuts, but they were sold out.  Rats!

The tiger tail donut was actually really good.  Soft and chewy with swirls of chocolate in it.  I don’t really like chocolate donuts, but this is the perfect amount.  I didn’t eat the chocolate dong so Bubby should leave his review in the comments section.

The apple cinnamon was way too sweet for me.  Bubby loved it, but I was not a fan.  It was overly gelatinous.

I loved the cinnamon crumble donut.  When I bit down into it, the top and bottom layer of the donut touched which shows how soft and chewy the dough actually is.

The golden child: the strawberry donut.  This donut is more like a pastry because you have to eat it with a fork.  The strawberries were fresh and the glaze wasn’t too thick or gelatinous.  It was pretty good … world famous good?  Not really.  But definitely worth trying.  Now would I drive all the way to BFE for it, probably not.

And finally, the glazed donut.  I can’t accurately judge the glazed donut because Bubby nuked it in the microwave for 25 seconds which is way too long.  Everyone knows there’s scientific proof that the perfectly nuked donut takes 9 seconds.  I still ate it, but I can’t recommend it since it was tainted evidence.  Blame Bubby for his rookie microwave skills.

I give Donut Man 4 claps.  Had they been freshly fried, I probably would have given them a perfect score.

Donut Man
915 E Rt 66
Glendora, CA

Cool Haus Ice Cream Sandwiches Truck

1 Apr

The food truck this week was Baby’s Badass Burgers and the Cool Haus Ice Cream Sandwiches Truck.  I’ve had Baby’s before, but I was ready to have some ice cream for lunch.

You first pick your cookie and then your ice cream flavor.  But how is a girl to choose on such a hot LA day of 80 degrees? Yup, that’s right I had to flirt with the hippy high on weed scoopin’ ice cream for some free tasters.

Thai iced tea

This definitely tasted like a delicious glass of Thai iced tea.  This was really refreshing on our hot LA day.

White Russian

Hello?! I’m drunk.


This had some chocolate chunks.  Bubby would love this one.

After conducting my thorough research and realizing that my flirting with the hippy was useless because he was giving everyone free samples, I decided on the ricotta and sour cherry ice cream on snickerdoodle cookies.

The ricotta made the ice cream texture so rich and creamy and the cherries were dried cherries with a tart tang to it.  The cookies were soft and chewy and the cinnamon was fresh.  A beautiful combination.

With my ice cream sandwich, we walked to the mall and my ice cream melted in the LA heat.  And the fresh cinnamon on the snickerdoodles left a mark.

I probably consumed like 1,000 calories but it was totally worth it.  I could eat ice cream for lunch every day.  I’m not sure how to rate this ice cream because ice cream is always good.  There’s no such thing as bad ice cream unless it has freezer burn.  The ricotta and sour cherry ice cream with snickerdoodle cookies was as perfect as an ice cream sandwich can be.  Nibs wanted to know if it was better than Diddy Reese, and I’m going to say yes because Diddy Reese’s snickerdoodle cookies are not as soft and the serving of ice cream in the sandwich is not as large.  Also, Diddy Reese is tailored for chocolate lovers and Cool Haus caters to all.  Cool Haus for the win.

Cool Haus Ice Cream Sandwiches Truck

Wynn Buffet

31 Jan

I am too old to be dancing all night until 4 am.  Too damn old.  I’m hurtin’ bad.  On Friday night, we landed in Vegas around 10:30 pm, checked in at the Wynn, got ready, and met my friends at Tao.  We drank, danced, drank some more, danced some more until 4 am.  4am!!!!  Thats 5 hours past my bedtime.  But it was so much fun with good music and a celebrity sighting of Slash from Guns N’ Roses.

The next day at around 12:30 pm, we decided to keep it local and go to the Wynn buffet.   I’ve been several times before, and every time I go, I always think it’s not worth it.  We stood in line and Blister said she’s going to the VIP Wynn line because she thinks she has reservations.  As we wait in the non-VIP line, Bubby dipped me and kissed me on the lips and said, “You’re so pretty.”   I said, “Aww, thanks.”  And he said, “But your breath smells.”  Haha.  It’s his fault for kissing me after I had a large cappuccino.  Suddenly, I see Blister’s flailing arms waving me over.  Score!

Blister: There’s no reservations.  Wynn doesn’t accept reservations.
Me: Why did you tell us to come over.
Blister: The manager is Korean, and I begged him to let us cut the line.  He said yes.
Me: Yes!  You got your mojo back, you must be on your period.
Bubby: I just threw up a little in my mouth.

There is biological proof that a woman attracts more male attention while on her period.   And my sister must’ve been on hers, because the men were all up on it and we just cut the line of like 60 people.  Booyah!

The Wynn is beautiful.  The rooms are amazing and the floral arrangements are gorgeous.  The floral arrangements in the buffet are fake, I touched them.  But everywhere else, they are real.

The Wynn buffet has all kinds of food for brunch.

Round 1
I prefer the meats.  My plate consisted of prime rib, creamy horseradish, bacon, maple slab of bacon, lox, cream cheese, capers, onions, boiled egg with a lemon wedge.

The prime rib had some good pieces, other parts of it was dry.  The regular bacon was bullshit.  The lox was your typical lox although the boiled egg definitely gave it a nice kick.  But the bad boy of the plate was the peppered maple slab of bacon.  Do you see that pork fat lined between the peppered edge and the meat?  That was fucking glorious.  It was fantastical.

Round 2
Chicken congee with soy sauce pickled cucumbers, scallions, cilantro, and I added anchovies and boiled eggs from the lox line.

The congee was cold.  Congee should be hot — so hot that you have to blow on the bite a few times before eating it because you don’t want it to burn the skin on the roof of your mouth.  That’s how hot it should be.  It wasn’t.  This had so much potential to be good.

Round 3
I picked the raspberry champagne mousse, pear mousse, marshmallow pop, and candied apple.

The marshmallow was hard, I took one bite and regretted it.  Both pear and raspberry mousses were disgusting and gelatinous.  Negative.  The candied apple was too hard, and I worried my dental work would be compromised.  Abort.  Blister picked up a red velvet cupcake with edible glitter.

I did not eat the red velvet cupcake because the last time I had red velvet cake, I broke out into hives all over my body for 4 days.  It was either the red velvet or Mr. Chow’s.  The mystery is unsolved.

During brunch we talked about how lame Bubby’s “list” is to include Jennifer Love Hewitt, especially because 1) she’s fat and 2) she’s crazy.  Did you see her on Ellen?  How she has 3 engagement rings chosen for her boyfriend so when and if she gets a boyfriend, he can choose any of the three?  Free advice for her boyfriend: Run.  Blister said that she’s a horrible choice for his list because she invented “vagazzling” –the art of bedazzling one’s vagina.  I told Bubby I would vagazzle my hoo-ha into the shape of a turkey leg.  That should definitely get him going.  He loves Thanksgiving turkey.  I should probably document our “lists” so there are no take-backs.

Bubby’s List
1. Jennifer Fat Love Hewitt
2. Kate Beckinsale
3. Megan Fox
4. Hyori Lee
5. Jessica Alba (She almost has the “moms” but she’s trying really hard to prevent it.)

My List
1. Johnny Depp (forevaaaaa)
2. Brandon Flowers (I would make him sing to me.)
3. The Rock (He would make me feel so small.)
4. Ryan Gosling (Hey Girl …)
5. Henry Cavill (I would make him dress up in his Tudors gear.)
6. Joseph Gordon Levitt (He has an amazing jaw line, I would give him gum all the time.)
7. Daniel Henney (I need an Asian representative.)
Honorable Mention: Tom Hardy because of his big ass lips.

We had talked for so long that I asked our waiter when the Wynn’s “crab hour” began.  He said 3:30 pm.  I definitely wanted some Alaskan king crab legs and snow crab legs so we decided to wait another 30 minutes.

Round 4
Alaskan king crab legs and snow crab legs.  I filled two plates with just crab legs.  The people behind me were scared I would take them all.  It was for a table of 7.

I hate touching seafood with my hands because the smell stays on my fingers for days which I absolutely hate.  So of course, Bubby de-shelled my crab legs and the other boyfriends’ mouths dropped.  Listen boys, we’ve been together for 6 happy years.  (Happy Anniversary, Bubs!)  If you de-shell your girlfriends’ shellfish, you’ll definitely have a long lasting relationship, too.  Trust.  The crabs were ok in taste, but perfectly stripped out of its shell in long pieces because of Bubby’s excellent work.

Crab time was over, we could go.  But then they restocked the dessert and had my favorite, crème brulée.

Round 5

Good God, I ate it all.  I probably consumed 3,000 calories during this one meal that lasted 4 hours!  4 hours of eating. That’s disgusting.  Even though I ate like there was no tomorrow, the Wynn buffet is ok.

2 slow claps out of 5

I forgot to post this picture of a girl in a crop top hittin’ the buffet hard.  Ladies, please do not expose your muffin top at the buffet.  I will judge you.  I tried to go up really close to take a picture of her tat on her muffin top but she turned around too quickly.

Wynn Buffet
3131 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, NV

AMF Bowling Square Lanes

28 Jan

My sense of humor is extremely juvenile.  I laugh uncontrollably at farts, burps, and any kind of bodily noise.  I’m a 6th grade boy trapped in a 30 year old female body.  In first grade, my friend and I would scare girls in the bathroom by standing on the toilet dispensers of the first and third stall and when another classmate went to the middle stall we would yell, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!!”  One girl was so scared she fell into the toilet and cried.  Ms. Gottwald called my mother and told her what happened, and my mom asked me, “Why are you scaring your classmates in the bathroom?”  I just looked at her and said, “It was funny.”  She looked at me as if she had found dead animal bones in my closet.  But, I haven’t changed much.  I think it’s absolutely hilarious to dutch oven Bubby and use every muscle in my body to trap him for as long as I can.  I think it’s super hilarious to let out an SBD and use every ounce of my being to not laugh just to hear Bubby yell, “BUBBY!!!! CALL SAFETY!  IT SMELLS LIKE OLD TRASH ON A HOT HOUSTON DAY!”  I love to pull up to a traffic stop, roll down the window, hold my nose, waft the air, and point at Bubby so the neighboring car will think that Bubby farted.  I love when my dad holds an invisible machine gun and shakes his body back and forth while simultaneously letting it rip for like 5 Mississippi seconds.  Pure comedy.

You would think I would act a little more maturely at work, but I don’t.  I have a coworker who thinks farting and doodoo bombs are just as funny.  We stumbled upon this and we cried because we couldn’t stop laughing.  We would discuss something serious and legal and then he would click on “Dueling Buttholes” and we would both bust out laughing.  I’m laughing right now as I type this………………………………….. Oh goodness.

At work, we would make fun of all the coworkers who were missing for a long time.  We both would yell, “Doodoo bomb time!”  So one day Papi Chula was missing for a long time.  My coworker said, “Doodoo bomb time!”  I asked Papi Chula if he doodoo bombed, and he got so offended.  He said it was none of my business and unprofessional which made me laugh even more because it was true.  Why am I laughing, this is so inappropriate for me to laugh.  I’m an ass.

To make peace, I asked Papi Chula to come with me to Bubby’s bowling league championship.  He agreed to go to mend our friendship.  And how do I mend my friendships? Through food.  I bought Papi Chula some macarons at Chiffon De Pastry Art.  They were the perfect, “I’m sorry for calling  you out for taking a shit” gift.  I’m probably the only person in the world who has ever bought such a gift.  We got strawberry, mango, green tea, and chocolate.  I had the strawberry.

The macarons were tasty and light.  They aren’t as good as Bouchon’s macarons, but they had the hard shell with the soft chewy insides of a good macaron.  At the bowling alley, we shared our kids’ meals for dinner.  Papi Chula ordered the chicken fingers and I had the grilled cheese.

You wouldn’t think much of bowling alley food, but the food looked just like the pictures in the menu.  It’s very rare for the food to look like the menu pictures, so we were impressed.  The french fries were hot and fresh, I ate every single fry like I usually do.

Bubby did not win first place in his league, he won second.  But the highlight of the night, was this rare beauty by the name of “Joseph” who appeared right before our eyes.  In diva fashion, he yelled at the waitress, “WHERE’S MY PEPSI?!! I’M ABOUT TO BOWL!”  Papi Chula and I witnessed a unicorn with imaginary heart bubbles floating out of his diva head.  We call him “Josefina” and he was beautiful.  I yelled at Bubby for not introducing me to Josefina and for keeping such a beautiful creature away from me.  Papi Chula said, “I bet he farts sparkles.”  And of course, I laughed uncontrollably and we were besties again.

The macarons get 3 slow claps out of 5.

The grilled cheese and chicken fingers get 2.  Papi Chula disagrees and says, “It was the best chicken fingers I ever had.”

Chiffon De Pastry Art
1010 S Baldwin Ave, Suite C
Arcadia, CA

AMF Bowling Centers
1020 S Baldwin Ave
Arcadia, CA 91007

My 30th Birthday

25 Jan

I’m here, bitches.  30.  I feel good about it.  Blister says being in your 30’s is way better than being in your 20’s because you have more money, your body looks more womanly, you’re more confident, etc.  I’ve never had an issue with confidence, but the more money sounds promising.  And it feels good to be 30 and engaged to a 20-something, even if he is 29.  I finally get my official Cougar wings.

But I’m happy about being 30 because I don’t look 30.  Without makeup, I look 15.  With makeup, maybe 25.  So I’m ok with that.  I had fun in my 20’s.  It was a great decade and I remember what I did for every single birthday.

20- Went to Houston and partied with my friends during winter break in college.
21- Celebrated in Houston and Boston.  Ex-boyfriend, the douche, got wasted on MY 21st birthday and I had to take care of him all night.  Fucker.
22- Celebrated in Barcelona for an art history program.   My friends and I drank champagne all night.
23- Vegas, baby.  No details. Want to forget this weekend ever happened.
24- San Francisco. Had dinner at Brothers BBQ.  Bubby, my friend at the time, brought me a delicious strawberry cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory.
25-  San Francisco at Asia SF.  We partied with the most beautiful women in SF where the waitresses are really dudes.  Bubby bought a red velvet cake that gave us food poisoning for 3 days.
26- San Francisco.  Black and white party.  Bubby bought a milk chocolate and white chocolate cake from J&J Bakery.  So good.
27-  Los Angeles at AOC.  Bubby threw me a surprise birthday dinner.  Bubby bought a moist chocolate cake from Sweet Lady Jane.
28-  Los Angeles at Lucky Strike.  We pulled an Al Bundy, “Sssttteeeeerrriiiiiiike!”  Bubby bought me a delicious chocolate cake from Portos in Glendale.
29- NYC.  Celebrated with Mimi and Honeybunny aka Triple Threat.  Bubby bought me cupcakes from Magnolia’s.  If you live in NY or LA, make sure you get the bread pudding from Magnolia’s.  It is worth being fat for.

This year, for my birthday weekend, my parents, Blister, Bubby, and I went to Big Bear.  I realized I’m too old for it.  I’m pretty sure I fractured something.  At one point, I yelled on top of the mountain, “WHY AM I DOING THIS?!!! I’M 30!!!!”  And Blister responded, “Shut up, let’s go.” Also,there was this one “Situation” who insisted on snowboarding in orange ski pants with suspenders and no shirt.  He had a six pack but with a grenade face, like the Situation.  I think we should call the male equivalent of a “butter face” the “Situation.”   Spread the word.  Finally, I realized I don’t really like to snowboard.  When we first started dating, I lied to Bubby and told him I loved it.  He was so excited to be with an athletic girl.  He bought me the boots, the board, the gloves, the goggles, everything.  Oops.  We’re engaged now so I told him what time it is and that I hate it.  He knew.

For my actual birthday, Bubby and I took the day off.  It was perfect because I was sore and watching Real Housewives of Atlanta (I do think NeNe was drinkin’ some haterade on Kim.)  While watching t.v., at 11:59 pm, Bubby walked into the room singing and holding this:

My name isn’t Fenjee.  Fenjee is Bubby’s temporary nickname for me which evolved from Fiancee to Fancy to Fenjee.  He’s only got a few more months to use this nickname and he thought it would be funny to put it on the cake.  The guy at Baskin Robbins did not understand him and instead wrote “Senjee.”  You can see his attempt to erase the “S” into an “F.”

So Bubby  has been calling me Senjee for the past few days and cracks himself up every time.  But this cake was good.  He pre-ordered it to incorporate my two favorites: chocolate cake and Gold Medal Ribbon ice cream.  They don’t have that combination in the stores,  you must order it.

I do not like chocolate, but I love chocolate cake.  Not flourless cake, but chocolate full of flour cake.  The icing was super soft, whipped, and light.  Not too sweet.  Gold Medal Ribbon ice cream with that thick bottom layer of caramel.

Here’s my view while eating ice cream cake in bed with my son on my belly at midnight.  Perfection.

Baskin Robbins chocolate cake with Gold Medal Ribbon ice cream gets 5 slow claps out of 5.

For breakfast, Bubby took me out for donuts at Oh Those Donuts.  Every birthday, he finds the best donuts in the city because it’s my absolute favorite.  Separate post to follow.

For dinner, Bubby took me to Gordon Ramsey at The London.  Separate post to follow.

But for dessert, Blister bought me a birthday cake.  And this cake was also from Baskin Robbins but had vanilla cake with cookies n’ cream ice cream.

And yes, she had to buy those big number candles to rub it in.  Notice how I strategically placed an oreo over my name.  Blister said Baskin Robbins doesn’t have Gold Medal Ribbon cake in stock so she bought a side of it.

Bubby said, “Your sister is such a rookie.  Of course  you have to pre-order the Gold Medal Ribbon cake.” Although my sister may not know how to pre-order my perfect cake, I will happily accept my personal tub of Gold Medal Ribbon.

Basically, I started the day off eating ice cream cake and ended the day eating ice cream cake.  A perfect way to turn 30.  The birthday extravaganza is not over.  Vegas in 3 days.  I’m so scurred.

Baskin Robbins