Fran’s Chocolate

7 Jun

Before my doctor-ordered “Survivor” starvation diet, I tried to investigate what caused my allergies through a trial and error process. At one point, I seriously thought it was gluten, the new food enemy. Before gluten, the food enemy included trans fats and complex carbohydrates, but now everyone collectively hates gluten. Recently, Bubby and I had a very profound conversation about the serious effects of gluten.

Me: I think I’m allergic to gluten.
Bubby: What?
Me: I think I’m allergic to gluten.
Bubby: Really?
Me: Yeah, really.
Bubby: No, really as in you’re really telling me this as you stuff cake in your mouth?

And just like that I was all for gluten again. The next food I eliminated was chocolate. Chocolate was not as difficult as gluten to forego since I am not a chocolate fanatic. I do love chocolate cake (the flour kind), but not chocolate chocolate.  People seem to lose their shit when I admit this, I hear responses like “What do you do when you’re on your period? Don’t you crave it? How can you hate chocolate? What’s wrong with you? I’m such a chocoholic! Dark chocolate is the best! The darker, the better! Once you go black …”

I’ve heard it all. Despite everyone’s judgmental and unsolicited opinions, I don’t really like chocolate.  So imagine my surprise when I devoured these bad babies called Fran’s Chocolates (a Seattle staple) given to me as a thank you gift from Mimi.

At first, I was hesitant to try one.  But I have an extremely salty palette, and I love all things salty.  I was strictly ordered by Mimi to place the chocolate square upside down, salt side down flat on the tongue, wait 5 seconds, and then chew.  After hearing the detailed instructions, I immediately thought what a little high-maintenance bitch of a chocolate.  I hate when food comes with instructions, it’s just so bossy.  But fortunately for me, I followed the lengthy instructions and was so glad I did.  The salt lingers on your tongue while you chew into the rich caramel center.  This isn’t your ordinary caramel either.  It’s not the super sticky kind that pulls all 18 fillings out of your teeth. It’s the deeper, richer good shit.  The chocolate is not your typical chocolate either.  It’s darker than milk, lighter than dark but perfectly accentuates the flavors from the salt and caramel.

Fran’s Chocolates kicks every boxed chocolate’s ass like Godiva’s, Russell Stover’s, See’s, Whitman’s.  The real question would be whether it would kick La Maison du Chocolat’s ass.  Because LMDC chocolate is like crack.  Just dirty crack that makes you lose your job, your savings, and relationships.  I definitely will need to conduct a side-by-side tasting between the two.  *Adding to bucket list.

Thank you, Mimi.  You really do give the best gifts.  I ate every square and only shared a few with Blister and Bubby.  In fact, Bubby was looking forward to them as an after-dinner treat but I told him I was on my period and craaaaved chocolate.

Fran’s Chocolates
https://www.franschocolates.com/store/home.php

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